Herbs are amazing

WOW! After steadily taking herbs (Evening Primrose, Vitex [agnus castus]) religiously for about a month now, I'm seeing REAL results, and I'm amazed. Along with an abundance of EWCM this cycle, I was also blessed with a + opk. Too bad my husband isn't here to share this enthusiasm with me... in more ways than one ;)

Wicked Witch

Stupid AF showed her ugly red face last Tuesday.

Yeah, she was two days later than I had expected. Yes, I wasted a $6 preggo test on Sunday, hoping for an amazing bfp as my Easter gift from God. And yes, I was disappointed, for the 9th cycle in a row.

So now you'd think I was excited, YAY in the after math, thinking, hooray, another month, a new try. More time to be hopeful. WELLLLL since we're not trying for the next two cycles, I'm not jumping for any kind of stupid joy.

come back in two months to see how I'm doing. I probably won't post between now and then, other to let you know if my CM looks better after taking a thousand pills a day for fertility.

Two week wait is over... or is it??

So my two week wait is coming to an end. At 11 DPO I should be able to test this sunday, at about 13 DPO.

So is it actually over? I have no idea.

Since my cycles are so damn irregular, I have no idea when Aunt Flow is supposed to arrive, and therefore I have no indication as to whether I've missed her visit or not.

SOOOO when am I spooosed to test???????????

Can I pull all my hair out now? TTC is so confusing.

When did it fade?

When did the excitement of trying to conceive fade away?

9 or so months ago, I couldn't wait to hop into bed and try again. I was excited, and so was he, to be trying for our very first gift from Heaven.

Well... now I feel I'm "over it"..

I'm tired of the following:

• Charting
• Negative OPK and HPT
• Taking my temperature in the morning.
• Taking several Vitex each day
• Taking prenatal vitamins that help nurture a baby that I don't have growing inside of me
• Peeing on sticks, and possibly, my hands also.
• Peeing in a cup
• Going to the doctor
• Ovarian cysts
• Acne (comes with the cysts, hooray.....)
• Straw like hair (again.. stupid cysts)
• irregular periods
• Migraines during my said periods
• Analyzing every tiny thing and putting it on my chart on FF.
• Putting a cushion under my butt after sex and waiting 30 minutes before peeing
• Bothering God to help me get a baby every day, sometimes several times a day.
• Did I mention that I was tired of negative tests?

So when does it loose its luster? When does trying for a baby become a chore? And why is it so darn complicated?

Well I've decided to turn a new leaf. I'm no longer "Trying" to have a baby. From now on... if you as me, I'm having a baby. I'm not pregnant, yet. But I will have a baby. I'm going to have one. And he or she or they will be beautiful.
No more "trying." Trying implies that there is a chance of failure.

I will.

The Terrible Two... week wait...

I'm dying here. Ok so it's only been a few DPO, but considering I've never successfully ovulated before, I've never had the same hope as I do now. I can't wait for my two weeks to go by and take that test. Although I'm also scared out of my mind, what if I'm not pregnant and I get my hopes up for nothing?

I think this torture is magnified by the fact that I don't have work for the entire two weeks and I have nothing to keep myself busy with, minus editing this maternity photo shoot I just did which does NOT help the situation at all. I have, hold on let me count for you, 6 friends... yes SIX friends, who are currently expecting, along with several who just recently gave birth. It's hard to stand by and watch as these women (all in the time that I've been trying to GET pregnant) announce their pregnancies, grow their precious baby bellies, and have their adorable little bundles of joy as I struggle internally trying not to hate them.

I am not a hateful person nor do I hold grudges against any friends of mine. I've been told that God doesn't give us any trials that we cannot handle, but for some reason I feel like I'm near my breaking point on this one.

What can I do to make the two weeks fly by a little easier? Holy cow help me get past this waiting period.

Need that Baby Dust

Today after searching the Internet and reading countless TTC blogs, I decided to start my own. Hey. I'm Marie, I'm 22 years old, married for nearly 4 years. My husband is 23. We've been together for quite some time, and decided to get married young after he joined the armed forces.

Last July, we decided it was time to start trying for a baby. Judging by the success of family members in their TTC adventures, we decided it would be very simple for us to get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy. But boy were we wrong.

The first month of trying was confusing. I had my period two times in two weeks (or something like that.. July 11 for 3 days, followed by more bleeding on July 19 for two days), and then I didn't get another one for 38 days. I'm used to 28 days because of birth control pills, so you can imagine how many pregnancy tests I went through. The next cycle was the same, from August to October I had no periods. Then I had a period October 4th, November 9th, and December 5th. I was so excited I thought my periods were returning to normal. I was pretty much wrong again.

In January I suffered from a 7cm cyst on my right ovary. My cycle started December 5 and ended January 28. My next cycle went from January 29 to March 17. With a cyst in between. This month, March, I ovulated on CD 16 with few crampings (which means, I think, that I didn't get a huge cyst again...). That was my very first positive ovulation test ever. I cried tears of joy and emailed my husband to come home from work early so we could make a baby!

Well two days later I'm sitting here playing the waiting game. My husband asked, "Can you take a test yet??" Of course I CAN but would it be logical? No, and obviously at this point it would be negative which would break my heart. I am one of the few who don't enjoy peeing on sticks. I'd rather not risk breaking my own heart by seeing a negative test. I don't even like seeing negative OPK. Now that I've seen a positive one and felt that joy that comes along with a positive test, I can't wait to see more positives...... here's hoping.

Fingers crossed for me please... I need baby dust.